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Thread: It's starting again :(

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    Unhappy It's starting again :(

    The bullying at school that is. I knew this year was possibly going to be difficult for him because we moved into a new house in a new neighbourhood which meant a new school. The new school does not have the best reputation and is considered pretty rough. I was nervous at first sending him but after the first day he came home happy and he said he really liked it. The first week was great, the second was meh, last week the bullying started and this week he hasn't wanted to go back.

    From what he has told me, it's coming from one specific boy his age (gr.7). He is calling my son an offensive racial name and basically getting in his face without actually touching him. Yesterday there was an incident were A was walking down the isle and hit this boy's chair with his foot. The boy flipped out and screamed in class, "What the F@#$ are you doing?" and was sent to the principles office. These are the only incidents that A has told me about but he is acting like there is more going on. Last night he broke down, bawling, saying he wanted to go back to his old school. He was so upset he started blaming me for making him leave and not letting him go back. I kept asking him what was happening that was so terrible at school and he wouldn't answer me. I told him I was going to call the Principle and he got even more angry and told me not to call.

    This morning my mom called to ask is A was ok which I thought was odd because he was with her before his breakdown and I hadn't told her about it yet. Anyways, she drove him home from football last night and said that he was not acting like himself in the car and that he was very quiet. I then told her about him breaking down but that he would not tell me much of anything. My dad is super concerned, I can hear it in his tone. I am concerned that A, if pushed enough, could harm himself....my parents feel the same.

    I guess my question is, what do you do??? I called the school board this morning to see about moving him back to his old school. They told me to call the principle there to see about a courtesy seat. I called and unfortunately, they are full so this is not an option. I called the principle of his new school to see if she is aware of the situation but she was busy and I am currently waiting for a call home. I hate this. I hate feeling like there is nothing that I can do to protect A from this crap. I don't want to end up on the 6 o'clock news like too many other families have due to bullying in school....it so incredible painful.

    What do you do????
    "A parent's love is whole no matter how many times divided." Robert Brault

    Proud mommy of three wonderful boys

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    I would take this very seriously. A boy his age probably isn't telling you all of it. If he's becoming quiet and not talking about it it's probably worse than he has said. I'm the type of Mom who goes down to the school and asks to speak to a Principal or Vice Principal. I have sometimes had the meeting right then other times I've been able to schedule an appointment but I tend to think the staff is less likely to put you off when you're there in person. Just don't go at lunch or recess. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy in effect. I would make it very clear that this is an issue and it needs to be dealt with immediately. We've all heard of kids on the news even younger than your son who have commit suicide due to bullying so I'm sure they will put an end to it even if it means switching classrooms or whatever it takes to get this kid to leave him alone.
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    For starters if he's that unhappy, I wouldn't send him. It may make it harder to go back later but I'd be avoiding him going back right now anyway.
    Has he reported the racial slurs?
    If he has and nothing was done, I'd try going to the board.

    If he won't tell you more of what's happened, it would be hard to know how to proceed
    I'd find out if he's been threatened etc. if he'll tell you. Explain to him if you know what's gone on, you can know how to convince others to stop it or to let him go back to his old school. Perhaps there isnt' room for courtesy busing but maybe there's a car pool you can get in on, or
    could he take a city bus there?

    In the meantime I personally woudln't be making him go. I know that won't be a popular opinion. I know that some say that's running away from your problems but at that age, I think they need to know they are heard and their feelings respected and that there's someone there to protect them. And if he's that upset about school, shouldn't home be somewhere he can retreat to safely kwim?
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    Poor guy, kids are so mean.
    Sorry I have no suggestions, but I hope all goes well.

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    I wouldn't be sending him if it's that bad, and I'd push to have him transferred, even if it means having to drive him across town. Kids are so disrespectful and have no fear of our system now that it seems they can do whatever they want, and get away with it.
    I'm sorry you're in this position. Hugs.
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    Not sending a child to school might be an option but aren't we legally obligated to send children to school? That was always my understanding. That if you weren't going to send a child to school you had to go through a process to home school the child. I know a few kids growing up that were bullied so badly they went the home school route. I believe there was even a teacher who visited the home for testing etc. I think this is a last resort option though. If the school can't put an end to the bullying etc. I would talk to the school first but you do have options if the school can't or won't put an end to it.

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    oh no S. I don't even know what to say I hoped and prayed that this school wouldn't live up to it's reputation and was sooooo happy when you told me what a great first week he'd had.

    Knowing about prior incidences, you know he isn't telling you everything. I wonder if there is someone at the school, or maybe some councilor of some sort that he would feel more comfortable talking to? Ugh I wish I had some insanely wonderful advice for you. You definitely need to find out what exactly is going on, that's the only way you're going to be able to start to fix it.
    Lori, Mom to Sydney, Paige and Easton

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    Quote Originally Posted by *allie* View Post
    For starters if he's that unhappy, I wouldn't send him. It may make it harder to go back later but I'd be avoiding him going back right now anyway.
    Has he reported the racial slurs?
    If he has and nothing was done, I'd try going to the board.

    If he won't tell you more of what's happened, it would be hard to know how to proceed
    I'd find out if he's been threatened etc. if he'll tell you. Explain to him if you know what's gone on, you can know how to convince others to stop it or to let him go back to his old school. Perhaps there isnt' room for courtesy busing but maybe there's a car pool you can get in on, or
    could he take a city bus there?

    In the meantime I personally woudln't be making him go. I know that won't be a popular opinion. I know that some say that's running away from your problems but at that age, I think they need to know they are heard and their feelings respected and that there's someone there to protect them. And if he's that upset about school, shouldn't home be somewhere he can retreat to safely kwim?
    I thought about keeping him home this morning but he seemed happy and ready to go for the day, so I let it slide. He comes home for lunch around 12:50pm , so I will see how things are then.

    As for sending him back to his old school, I called that principle this morning and she told me that there is no seat for him because they are already at capacity for the gr. 7/8 class. In addition, she felt it was necessary to educate me that the school board frowns upon children attending schools outside of their designated area. So, going back to his old school is not an option sadly.
    "A parent's love is whole no matter how many times divided." Robert Brault

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    Quote Originally Posted by MomLiz View Post
    Not sending a child to school might be an option but aren't we legally obligated to send children to school? That was always my understanding. That if you weren't going to send a child to school you had to go through a process to home school the child. I know a few kids growing up that were bullied so badly they went the home school route. I believe there was even a teacher who visited the home for testing etc. I think this is a last resort option though. If the school can't put an end to the bullying etc. I would talk to the school first but you do have options if the school can't or won't put an end to it.
    It's horrible to say but I don't think I could ever home school. I have two other children that are 2yrs and 6mths that keep me so extremely busy during the day that I wouldn't have the time to dedicate to A for schooling. But maybe, as a last resort, I would have to consider it.
    "A parent's love is whole no matter how many times divided." Robert Brault

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    This is so sad!

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    Quote Originally Posted by SydandPaige'sMom View Post
    oh no S. I don't even know what to say I hoped and prayed that this school wouldn't live up to it's reputation and was sooooo happy when you told me what a great first week he'd had.

    Knowing about prior incidences, you know he isn't telling you everything. I wonder if there is someone at the school, or maybe some councilor of some sort that he would feel more comfortable talking to? Ugh I wish I had some insanely wonderful advice for you. You definitely need to find out what exactly is going on, that's the only way you're going to be able to start to fix it.
    It's sucks Lori...when I talked to you a couple of weeks ago, things were great from what he was telling me but they have gone downhill since then. I know they have a lot of support staff at that school, so maybe there is someone he can talk to...I guess I will find out once someone calls me back. I need to fix this...because I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him.
    "A parent's love is whole no matter how many times divided." Robert Brault

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    Is moving an option or did you buy? When I moved to London I looked into the schools and areas, and we've loved Kensal Park so I stayed in the district when I bought my house. Plus the english school for DS2 for JK seems nice although I've never been.

    The problem with some schools that have a poor reputation is that he may not be being “bullied“ as in just him targeted. But it can be that many kids have difficult home lives and issues (many others don't and are wonderful kids) and therefore treat kids like they are treated at home - which can be screaming, assuming negative/on purpose rather than accident(like he kicks chair by accident and that boy makes the assumption it was on purpose).

    If you are just east of adelaide in middle of london (so not really south or really north) that is the only area I have a couple schools I won't supply teach as the money isn't worth the emotional/physical drain it puts me through. If its an option now or in the next year I would move since even though he has 2years left there the 2 LO's are going there eventually.

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    Is there another school in your district (Catholic or public, not sure what you are already in)? usually there is one of each in each district. I would switch him to the other or pull him out and home school for the time being. We went through this last year with our oldest son, it ruined him Thankfully this year so far no issues. I told the school right of the hope when we re-registered him (he was placed in another school for the last 3 months of school, best thing we could have done) I would not tolerate ANY BS from my son's “bully“, I WOULD involve the police no questions asked. I WOULD NOT contact the school before contacting the police. I think they took me seriously since we have yet to have issues

    I hope you can figure something out soon, it is so hard to watch your child go through that, my son will never be the same after going through the abuse he did last year and it breaks my heart that I could not protect him from it quick enough I went through the steps I was told to take and it got me no where quick, that is why I set the ground rules this year right off the hop, I am not going to allow my child to be abused/bullied anymore.

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    I too would not take it lightly. Sadly I went through this with my oldest last year who is 7. He had gr. 7 & 8's picking on him and 2 boys in his same grade. It was so frusterating. He would 'fake' sick to stay home and the same thing he wouldn't tell me anything He also didn't want me contacting the principal as he felt that he would get picked on 'more' when the boys were spoke to and knew that they were 'tattled' on.....

    I had several talks with Z and he would only give me satisfactory results and it was clear he was holding back *something*....I finally was able to get him to give me 'names' and I took it into my own hands from there - I HAD to, much like you I feared for his safety - I don't think he would 'hurt' himself per se as he's too young for those thoughts *I hope* but I was very afraid of him running away from school and getting lost or worse yet something bad happening....

    I spoke to the parents individually who spoke to their kids - thankfully *most* of the parents were understanding - our problem was with one of the 'older' boys - seriously why are older boys bugging my grade one'r (at the time?) - so then I spoke to the principal who was awesome, but not there this year...and it seemed to have rectified.....I was sooo worried about this school year!

    Odly enough DS1 is best friends with one of the bullies now - go figure and we seem to have rectified the issue - I just hope it doesn't happen again this year. Our situation was different - it was 'verbal' and sometimes hands on bullying but it wasn't 'racial' stuff that's horrible....

    I've taught Z (he has a lot of anxiety) that sometimes we just have to brush things off and let them go - ignore the problem and ask yourself if what you were going to do in 'reaction' was going to have a 'consequence' or whether it was worth it.....turns out its wasn't...his anxiety has lowered and he loves school again this year *whew*

    sorry that was long winded but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone and sometimes just explaining things 'differently' helps to get the answers - or just take it into your own hands like I did and talk nicely to the 'problem' kids in the playground after school, or talk to their parents or whatever - I'm so sad for your DS - how awful - I was bullied as a child (fat kid) and I hate seeing it happen to others - this is why I reacted as I did when I found out it was happening to my own
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    I would look at different schools.... there has got to be a better school that has a spot. I don't know what else to do. I have never really been in this situation. In JK a mean boy pulled down Carter's pants on the play ground and it devastated him and it broke my heart and it was an isolated incident.

    So sorry this is happening to your son, like the others have said, I wouldn't take it lightly.


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