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  1. #16
    Junior Member Jewels's Avatar
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    My step son was 12 when DH and I got married, it has been a very difficult relationship to build and I understand where you are coming from in that regards. For me it was made more difficult by the fact that DH ex wife would bad mouth me and encourage SS to be disrespectful towards me and said I had no right to parent him even though it was in my home.
    I also had the experience of being a step child, my Mom remarried when I was 16 and I HATED my step Dad in fact I begged my Mom not to marry him the night before their wedding. It wasn't until I moved out and had my own family that I got close to my step Dad, he did try to get to know me by spending time with me one on one and asking about my life and those small steps probably seemed like a waste of time to him at the time but those are the things that I remember him for now that he is gone. So although the kids may seem to hate you they do know all the things you do for them.
    Your DF needs to stand up for you and set the record straight about your place in his life though.

  2. #17
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    My biological parents were never together that I remember... Mom married Step-Dad when I was 11. When I was 7 I told her I didn't want her to and that it'd only come to an end. When I was 16, Mom told me that she'd been having an affair online and was planning to divorce my Step-Dad, she asked me to keep this to myself, and I did. When I was 17, the divorce was begining, and new Step-Dad had come to stay with us for a little. Admittedly, I didn't like him at first. Mom seemed to be “selling“ him to us, telling us he had all these fancy things which we'd lost since Step-Dad1 moved out. By the time Step-Dad2 was down, I was newly pregnant with M. I was cold to him, refused to use his real name and instead called him by the name I knew as his online name. Eventually, I warmed up to him a little more. M was just a few months old when I got into my first argument with Step-Dad2. Mom had given M a jelly-bear minutes before his bedtime, so he wasn't going down easily at all. I got frustrated, and gave my Mom M saying that she could stay up with him because she was the cause for his being so awake, and I walked away. Step-Dad2 grabbed M and followed me up the stairs, I sat down on the livingroom floor and watched my show, he put M in my lap and proceeded to give me a lecture about how I should be treating my Mother. I let him know he'd overstepped his boundaries, and we were back to square 1 for a few months. (He did appologise the same night and told me it wasn't his place to get in the middle of an argument between Mom and I - but i tend to hold grudges)

    When Step-Dad2 decided he wanted to ask Mom to marry him, he asked my brother and I for our permission first.

    Now life is good. I was the only one who really gave Step-Dad2 any trouble, and now at 20, Im over it, completely.

    I agree that your DF needs to stand up for you, but I think he should do it in a way that makes them feel better about the situation too. Maybe by explaining that he knows you aren't their Mother, and that you'll never “replace“ her, and that their Mother holds a special place in his heart, but he is much happier with you, or something that just shows them it's better for everyone this way, and would be easier if they'd give you less of a hard time.


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